so long, lonesome
by JacksonFrost
Summary: Remus never had any friends before the Marauders, so he decided from the start that he would never do anything to mess this up. And somehow, Remus thinks falling in love with Sirius Black goes under the category of "messing things up."


_for **ladidadidasituation**---Happy birthday! (:_

_title belongs to **Explosions in the Sky**  
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**so long, lonesome**

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Remus never had any friends. Sure, if he needed to sit with someone at lunch or join in someone's game of soccer at recess, he could usually find someone. And when his mum invited his entire class to his house for a surprise birthday party, most people showed up, and he even got a few really nice presents out of it. But he never had _real_ friends- friends he could call up out of nowhere and it wouldn't be weird; friends he could trust; friends he could be himself with, without worrying that he was acting like an eighty year old grandmother and everyone was secretly trying to get rid of him. He never had real friends, and he was lonely.

So when he fell into the infamous Marauders group, and had three _real friends_ for the _first time_, he decided from the start that he would do absolutely anything to not mess this up.

And somehow Remus thinks that falling in love with one of these friends goes under the category of _messing things up._

But he can't stop thinking about Sirius, and the way he looked after he transformed into Padfoot for the first time (_Did you see that, Remus? I did it- we all did it- for you, so you never have to be lonely on full moons again.), _and the way he smacked his lips against Remus' cheek with all his bounding energy the next morning in the Hospital Wing (_That was a success, huh? I told you it would be fun, Moony!)._

He doesn't want to mess this friendship up, because it's possibly the best thing to ever happen to him, but he can't get Sirius' bright gray eyes and his aristocratic grin out of his mind, no matter how hard he tries.

And then one day James comes and sits next to him and looks _so serious _for once that Remus can't help asking what's wrong.

James smirks. "Nothing's wrong. I just think you should know that I'm not blind."

Remus looks pointedly at his glasses. "Are you trying to convince me or yourself?"

"Shut up," James cries, laughing. "No, I'm actually being serious for once." He pauses and grins at the stupid pun that was overdone the first time Remus heard it but yet has become a standing joke. "Sirius, that's right. I've seen the way you look at Sirius."

"Like I look at you, or Peter," Remus says slowly. "I don't know what you mean."

James looks at him and there's so much kindness in his eyes that Remus has to look away. "I think you do. You like him, more than just as a mate. And there's nothing wrong with that, you know. I wanted to tell you so you know it's okay, because I think you should tell him."

"I can't tell him," Remus says quickly. "James, that'll ruin everything. I've been lonely my whole life, and now I finally have you guys, and I can't destroy this friendship."

"You're not going to destroy this friendship, don't be a git," James says firmly. "Sirius might freak out at first, but he'll get over it, because Moony, he's my best mate too, and like I said, I'm not blind." He pauses, and his voice softens. "Remus, there's more than one way to be lonely. Yeah, you have friends, but so do I, and I was lonely before Lily and I got together."

Remus nods slightly. "I'll think about it."

"Good man," James says cheerfully, standing up and slapping Remus on the shoulder.

Remus smiles faintly, before burrowing his face in his hands as James walks away. "Isn't being a werewolf enough?" he moans to himself. "Did I really have to fall in love with my best friend?"

"Er, is there something you and Peter aren't telling me?"

Remus prays for the earth to swallow him whole. He contemplates throwing himself off a building. And slowly, he looks up. "Oh. Sirius. Hi."

Sirius raises his eyebrows and sits next to him. "Hi. Now, what are you not telling me?"

"Well, I don't think that I ever told you that I hate beets. I mean, really, what is their purpose? They don't taste good and I don't think they're that healthy. Carrots are better for you anyway. So why eat beets? Why not eat carrots?" Remus rambles, his entire face turning the shade of a beet. He wants to die.

Sirius blinks. "Well. I can't say I knew about your intense hatred for beets. Thanks for telling me."

Remus nods miserably. "Now you know."

Sirius shifts uncomfortably. "Um, I'm trying to figure out how I can relate beets and carrots to our situation, but I don't think it's possible."

"What's our situation?" Remus whispers, hardly daring to breathe.

Sirius looks at him. "You tell me."

"I don't…like girls," Remus says slowly, not meeting Sirius' eyes. He feels Sirius nod slightly, and takes a deep breath. "I just like this one…guy. But the thing is that we're friends. Best friends, really. And I feel like if I tell him, our friendship will be ruined. And I'll be lonely again."

Sirius sucks in his breath. "Well. I think you should tell him. And Moony, you're never going to be lonely if I have anything to say about it."

Time seems to suspend. Remus looks at him. "Sirius…"

Sirius grins. "Remus."

And then he's kissing Remus and Remus is kissing him back, and it's fireworks and nerves exploding and sweaty hands, but mostly it's the feeling of perfect togetherness and _lonely _is the furthest thing from Remus' mind.


End file.
